


"I (don't) want you to find out"

by phantomdieb



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Friends With Benefits, Friends With Benefits To Lovers, M/M, Porn with Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-25
Updated: 2015-11-25
Packaged: 2018-05-03 08:55:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5284592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantomdieb/pseuds/phantomdieb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shirabu has a crush on Ushijima.<br/>When Kawanishi finds out, he offers him a deal.<br/>And Shirabu accepts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"I (don't) want you to find out"

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing explicit porn and I'm going to hell...

They started their dirty little game when Kawanishi found Shirabu in the locker room – moaning.  
Kawanishi was petrified and he couldn't move his eyes from the scene in front of him. Shirabu seemed to think that he was still alone, because his pants were pulled down a little, and his hand was wrapped around his dick. His quiet moans became louder with him getting faster.  
Kawanishi's eyes widened when he watched Shirabu come. But it wasn't the picture he saw that made him gasp. It was the name that left Shirabu's lips.  
  
  
“ _Ushijima_. ”  
  
  
Their captain's name.  
  
  
It wasn't.. really a surprise. Kawanishi had noticed all the secret glances, the slight blush when Ushijima had accidentally bumped into him.  
But he didn't think that he would catch Shirabu, their.. well, not exactly innocent or calm but.. collected setter, masturbating in the locker room to the thought of their captain.  
  
  
Kawanishi made the mistake of shifting his weight onto his other foot, accidentally pushing open the door just a little bit, but enough to make it creak. Shirabu, in the middle of pulling up his pants, snaps his head towards the door. With horror he saw Kawanishi standing there, and he knew from the expression on Kawanishi's face that he had seen.  
That he had heard.  
  
  
Shirabu opened his mouth to explain, but.. there were no words leaving his lips. There wasn't much to explain when Kawanishi saw everything anyway.  
'I should ask him to not tell anyone' Shirabu thought.  
His heart was beating fast from getting caught and the blood was rushing in his ears.  
He looked to the floor and didn't dare to lift his head to look at his teammate.  
That's why it surprised him when Kawanishi suddenly stood in front of him and lifted his head with a finger put under Shirabu's chin.  
  
  
“I saw everything,” he said and Shirabu felt hot and cold at the same time.  
“But I won't tell anyone.”  
  
Shirabu was speechless. Sure it was... good. But he didn't expect him to say that.  
“Okay,” he managed to say. “Thank you.”  
  
Kawanishi didn't move.  
“I have an offer to make to you, though.”  
  
An offer?  
  
“I'm listening.”  
  
“So...”  
  


– 

  
  
“...you free tonight?” he whispers to Shirabu and a small glimpse in his eyes makes clear what he means. Shirabu thinks about it for a second.  
  
“Sure.”  
  
They were just done changing clothes after practice when Kawanishi walked up to him and nudged his shoulder. Kawanishi nods to him in response and grabs his bag before leaving the locker room. Shirabu follows him soon after.  
  
  
When they reach Kawanishi's place, he doesn't lose any time. He grabs Shirabu's face and kisses him, pressing against him until the setter's back is touching the door. Shirabu's arms wrap around Kawanishi's neck and the latter sighs into the kiss. His own hands are on Shirabu's hips, until he moves them up and puts them under Shirabu's shirt.  
  
They part for a second, their faces still close to each other, and Kawanishi uses that moment to clearly look at Shirabu. His face is flushed, but there is also a certain look he has. He has that look most of the time when they meet up to have sex. But he also has that look on his face whenever they have a match.  
Determined and clearly knowing what he wants.  
Kawanishi grins before he tugs at Shirabu's shirt, their silent sign to take it off, before he takes off his own one, too.  
  
  
Shirabu's eyes flutter close when Kawanishi pins his hands over his head and starts kissing along his jawline, and he lifts his chin to give him easier access when Kawanishi's mouth wanders down to his throat. He can feel Kawanishi nibbling at his skin, softly, so that he never leaves a visible bruise.  
When a gasp escapes him, he can feel the lips pressed against his throat curl into a smile.  
He imagines that it is Ushijima leaning over him and Shirabu gasps when a tongue trails over his neck, up to his ear.  
  
“Let's move to your bed,” he manages to get out, but Kawanishi doesn't move and still presses his body against him.  
  
He can feel Kawanishi's hot breath against his ear when he whispers to him, his voice deep and husky from lust “I want to fuck you against the door.”  
A shiver runs down Shirabu's spine, and the breath hitches in his throat when he imagines Ushijima saying exactly those words to him.  
  
  
Skillful hands slowly move down from Shirabu's chest to his pants, where the tightness was getting uncomfortable.  
  
“Please, touch me,” he breathes.  
  
Lips press against his throat again, light kisses being scattered on his skin.  
  
“Beg for it,” the voice says and Shirabu's imagination gives him the image of Ushijima again.  
  
_“_ _Please,_ _”_ _he is quiet, but he sounds desperate._ _“_ _Touch me,_ Wakatoshi _. I need you to touch me. I beg you. Please!_ _”_ _  
  
Shirabu can feel the hand move and a second later his pants are pulled down to his knees.  
His hands grasp the muscular arms and squeeze them.  
  
__“_ _Please, I beg you,_ Wakatoshi _. Touch me!_ _”_ _  
  
__“_ _But I'm touching you already,_ _”_ _he says, and his free hand moves over his chest to demonstrate what he means.  
  
__“_ _Touch my dick! Please!!_ _”_ _  
  
His voice must have given away how __much he wants it_ _, because suddenly there's a hand on the bulge in his boxers and Shirabu lets out a loud groan. He grinds into the hand, to let go of some of that friction, but suddenly the hand moves away.  
  
__“_ _Did I allow that?_ _”_ _  
  
Shirabu shakes his head __as_ _an answer.  
  
__“_ _Then don't move._ _”_ _  
  
Shirabu wants to answer him but suddenly the hand is back and _ Ushijima _is nibbling at his earlobe so he lets out a quiet moan instead._  
  
  
Kawanishi smiles when he hears him moan and decides that it's time for the next step.  
He stops teasing Shirabu and pulls down his boxers so that he is naked now. An audible gasp leaves Shirabu's pretty lips when Kawanishi takes his dick in his hand and slowly starts stroking him.  
He picks up pace and after some time, he is stroking him in their usual rhythm. Kawanishi closes his eyes and he listens to the whimpers and whines coming from Shirabu, imagining that these were the sounds leaving Tendou's mouth. That he fucked _him_ instead of Shirabu.  
  
After all that was their agreement.  
  


– 

  
  
“...well, I heard you.”  
  
“Yes, you already mentioned.”  
  
“So, what if we-”  
  
“Oh, you're early.”  
  
Kawanishi and Shirabu turned their heads to see Semi coming into the locker room, followed by Tendou. Kawanishi found himself quickly looking away.  
  
'We'll talk later' he mouthed to Shirabu.  
  
  
It's needless to say that Shirabu couldn't concentrate on practice that day. He kept missing receives and tosses, which earned him confused glances from his teammates.  
  
“I'm sorry,” he apologised to Ushijima after a particular bad toss, “I'll get it right the next time.”  
  
Ushijima nodded and concentrated on the next ball. He didn't notice Shirabu biting his lips.  
  
  
When he was done changing after practice, Shirabu chew on his lip once again. He was nervous about what Kawanishi would say. Frankly he couldn't come up with anything. Kawanishi wasn't the person to blackmail someone, that he knew for sure. He had also said that he wouldn't tell anyone. And he didn't seem disgusted by him when he had found him.  
  
_'What does he want from me?'_  
  
“Hey.”  
  
Shirabu almost jumped when Kawanishi suddenly stood next to him.  
  
“Let's move somewhere more private.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  


– 

  
  
Kawanishi feels his partner squirming under his hands and hears him panting. He grins before he grazes along his partner's jaw with his teeth, and then slowly trails down with his tongue over his throat. He kisses the crook of his neck. The one hand free plays with Shirabu's nipples, drawing small whimpers from him. The other one holds Shirabu's hands in place over his head. Precome drips down Shirabu's dick and Kawanishi finds himself smiling.  
Again, he imagines him to be Tendou.  
  
_At his mercy and whimpering. Unable to move his hands.  
Whispering his name. Moaning his name.  
Kawanishi closes his eyes and whispers into _ Tendou _'s ear, his lips grazing his earshell:_ _“_ _Say my name!_ _”_ _  
  
_ Tendou _looks at him through half-lidded eyes and obeys.  
  
__“_ _Taichi,_ _”_ _he whispers back and he c_ _an_ _feel Kawanishi gripping his hands a little tighter.  
  
__“_ _Do it again._ _”_ _  
  
__“_ _Taichi,_ _”_ _he moans.  
  
Kawanishi lets out a little gasp.  
__“_ _I want to fuck you so hard,_ Satori. _”_ _  
  
__“_ _Please fuck me,_ _”_ Tendou _begs, his voice hoarse.  
  
__“_ _Let me prepare you._ _”_  
  


– 

  
  
“So?” Shirabu asked nervously.  
  
“You think about Ushijima when you jerk off.”  
  
Shirabu felt his cheeks heating up.  
“You don't have to say that out loud. But yes, I do.”  
  
“I do that, too.”  
  
“You... think about Ushijima?”  
  
“..That's not what I meant. I mean, I too think about someone. Just.. not him.”  
  
“Okay?”  
  
Kawanishi chew on his bottom lip.  
“It's Tendou.”  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“I think about him. Like you do with-” He waved his hand.  
  
“Uhm, okay? I still don't know what you want to actually say.”  
  
Kawanishi looked slightly nervous.  
“Okay but listen to me 'til I'm finished, okay?”  
  
Shirabu nodded.  
  
“So I've been thinking... what if we... had sex.. with each other. You get to call out the captain's name, while I get to do the same with Tendou. To.. work off some frustration.”  
  
Shirabu was silent.  
  
And so was Kawanishi.  
  
For a long time, neither of them said anything.  
  
  
“I don't know,” Shirabu finally said. “This is such a weird offer.”  
Kawanishi looked away.  
  
“But,” Shirabu added when he looked at him, “I'm not against it. I think we could try.”  
  


– 

  
  
“I think that should be enough,” Kawanishi mutters against Shirabu's neck.  
  
Shirabu is breathing hard.  
  
“Please, put it in already. I want you to fuck me so badly.”  
  
He sounds desperate.  
Kawanishi grins at then lets his tongue trail over Shirabu's neck.  
  
“You're so needy.”  
  
“Please, Wakatoshi. I need you in me.”  
  
Kawanishi bites into Shirabu's earlobe and listens to his moan.  
  
“Such a beautiful sound.”  
  
“P-Please!!”  
  
Kawanishi presses a tiny kiss to Shirabu's jaw before he puts a condom on his dick and lubes it up.  
He lifts Shirabu, who wraps his legs around Kawanishi's waist.  
The tip of Kawanishi's dick presses against Shirabu's entrance and Kawanishi takes the opportunity to look at Shirabu.  
  
One hand buried in Kawanishi's hair, Shirabu puts his other hand on Kawanishi's cheek before he leans down and kisses him gently.  
Kawanishi kisses him back, and slowly pushes his dick inside Shirabu.  
Shirabu whimpers a little and tugs at his hair when he is all in, and Kawanishi waits a bit for Shirabu to get used to it. He only starts to move when Shirabu gives him permission with a small nod.  
  


– 

  
  
They went home together on that day. To Kawanishi's house, since his parents weren't at home.  
It had taken them some time to take their clothes off.  
It wasn't that they were embarassed to be naked. They had already seen each other after showering after matches and practices.  
It was more... that they were naked to have sex with each other.  
Their first time ended with them giving each other a handjob.  
It was weird, sure. And awkward, too. But they didn't dislike it.  
  
  
The next time they tried it they sucked each other off. It was then that Kawanishi found out just how much neck kisses turned Shirabu on. It was more by accident.  
Kawanishi had rubbed Shirabu to get him hard and he had hid his face in Shirabu's shoulder in an attempt to try and imagine Tendou. He had moved his head to his side to mutter Tendou's name and his lips had grazed Shirabu's neck, who in response let out a quiet moan. Kawanishi had stopped, surprised by the sound. And then, just to try it out, he had kissed Shirabu's neck. Another moan had followed.  
Ever since he made sure to always pay special attention to Shirabu's neck.  
  


– 

  
  
Kawanishi starts to move. First slow, but then he gets faster. Shirabu throws his head back and hits the door but he doesn't care about that. A loud moan leaves his lips, his voice deep. Kawanishi pounds into him with a little more force and he feels Shirabu's hands on his shoulder blades. He wishes he would just finally drag his nails down over his back. Leave bloody streaks,  
But he knows Shirabu wouldn't dare.  
  
They had set one rule after their third night, and that was not to leave any visible marks on each other. It would only stir rumours and make their teammates ask questions they shouldn't ask. Kawanishi and Shirabu wouldn't be able to explain it. To explain what they were having.  
  
So no marks, or it would be their last time sleeping with each other.  
  
  
A frustrated grunt leaves Kawanishi's mouth, and to cover it, he nips at Shirabu's throat.  
  
“You're so tight. I want to fuck you all night long.”  
  
“P-please,” Shirabu begs him. “I need you so much!”  
  
Kawanishi's grip on Shirabu's hips tightens a bit as he keeps on going.  
Suddenly Shirabu screams out in pleasure.  
  
“Again!” he begs and tugs at a fistful of Kawanishi's hair.  
  
Kawanishi rams Shirabu against the door, trying his best to hit that spot again. He knows that he succeeded when Shirabu screams again.  
His hand wraps around Shirabu's dick, which had been left unattended until now and he strokes him until he comes in his hand. Some of the semen splatters onto Kawanishi's chest.  
  
“Wakatoshi, come in me!!”  
  
“My name,” Kawanishi orders, followed by moan. He is close to his orgasm as well.  
  
Tendou _has his legs wrapped around Kawanishi's waist, and Kawanishi's dick is buried deep in_ _his_ _ass. His cheeks are flushed, and his voice sounds hoarse from screaming so much.  
  
__“_ _Taichi,_ _come_ _in me!!_ _”_ _  
  
_ Kawanishi comes moaning Tendou's name.  
  


– 

  
  
They set the rule of leaving no marks at their third time. This was also the first time they had sex with each other.  
The day had been particularly frustrating for both of them.  
It had been hot, so Ushijima had decided to roll up his sleeves and Shirabu just couldn't stop staring at his arms. 'It should be illegal to do that if you have arms like this' he thought.  
  
Kawanishi had it even worse.  
Tendou just took off his shirt completely, and he would've taken off his pants as well if it wasn't for Semi stopping him. Still, it left enough of him uncovered, and with the sweat from practice and heat trailing down Tendou's abs, Kawanishi almost ran into a door because his eyes were fixated on Tendou.  
When it got too much to bear, he forced himself to look away, and his eyes fell on Shirabu. He walked up to him and invited him over.  
  
Shirabu never said yes faster.  
  
  
Kawanishi was thankful for the air conditioning in his room, or otherwise it simply would've been to hot.  
He had just closed the door and he turned around to face Shirabu, when he was suddenly standing in front of him.  
Without hesitation Shirabu leaned forwards and kissed him. Kawanishi's arms shot up to Shirabu's cheeks.  
Shirabu pushed him on the bed and sat down on Kawanishi's hips. He immediately leaned down to seal Kawanishi's lips with his own again.  
  
_'Don't speak.'_  
  
It seemed like he wanted to say this with his actions so Kawanishi kept silent apart from little grunts and moans.  
Shirabu rubbed his ass against Kawanishi's dick, making him hard. His own erection was still in his pants. Kawanishi reached out and let his fingers run over the bulge in Shirabu's pants, who left out a long and loud moan in response.  
  
Shirabu got up and undressed himself quickly after that. Kawanishi lay still on his bed and didn't dare to move, so he just watched him. The setter then opened Kawanishi's pants, painfully slow for his taste, and took Kawanishi's dick into his hands. Shirabu shot him another glance from under his eyelashes before he leaned down and took it into his mouth. He sucked him off, and Kawanishi had to grab the blanket tightly to restrain himself from fucking into Shirabu's mouth. When Shirabu was satisfied with his work, he took the lube from Kawanishi's drawer, poured some of it on his fingers and started to open himself up. His body draped over Kawanishi's, so that Kawanishi could see every emotion on his face. His flushed cheeks. The way his eyes fluttered. Again, Kawanishi had to hold himself back to not just grab Shirabu and fuck him hard.  
  
But his silent prayers seemed to be heard when Shirabu finally got up and retrieved a condom from Kawanishi's drawer. He put it on Kawanishi's dick clumsily, his beautiful hands shaking in anticipation. He lubed him up before he positioned himself over Kawanishi's dick and then, watching the middle blocker's expression, slowly let it slide inside him.  
He rode Kawanishi to orgasm, and then stroke himself. His eyes shut close, he moaned Ushijima's name as he came all over Kawanishi's chest.  
  
It was a beautiful sight, Kawanishi decided.  
  


– 

  
  
Kawanishi pulls out and sets Shirabu down, but he doesn't let go of him. Shirabu clings to him because his legs don't hold him up so Kawanishi picks him up and carries him to his bed. He takes of the condom off and throws it away., while Shirabu cleans himself and moves a bit aside. So when Kawanishi is finished, he can lie down besides him.  
With Kawanishi's arm wrapped around him, Shirabu cuddles up to him and closes his eyes with a sigh.  
  
They didn't do that when they first started, but it soon became a part of their time together.  
And though neither of them says it out loud, they both find it very relaxing. The presence of the other one calms them down. Kawanishi buries his nose in Shirabu's hair and takes a deep breath. The scent of Shirabu's shampoo tickles in Kawanishi's nose and it makes him smile a bit.  
  
They fall asleep curled into each other.  
  


– 

  
  
Two months later still no one suspects anything. Partly that may be due to their 'no mark rule'. But they also don't talk about it outside. At all.  
And no one says anything when Kawanishi invites Shirabu over again to study.  
  
  
This time they take everything slow.  
Shirabu lies on the bed and Kawanishi hovers over him. The middle blocker takes his time to kiss his knuckles, each finger and his palm on each hand.  
He kisses Shirabu's forehead, his eyebrows, eyelids, nose. His cheekbones, his cheeks and his lips.  
Kawanishi kisses his ear, and slowly trails down his jaw. Shirabu turns his head to give him easier access.  
  
With nimble fingers he opens the buttons of Shirabu's school uniform while kissing his neck. He sucks slightly on the spots he knows are especially sensitive, but he is careful to not leave a hickey.  
He lets Shirabu sit up so he can take off his shirt before he pushes him down again, his mouth immediately on Shirabu's skin again. From his chest, he wanders down to his nipples, over his ribs to his belly button. Kawanishi looks up to Shirabu's face and he seems to enjoy it so he keeps going.  
He kisses Shirabu's hips, his lips lingering on the skin while he slowly opens the button of his pants.  
Kawanishi sits up and pulls down Shirabu's pants, helping him to get out of them. He takes a couple of minutes to take in the sight before he leans down again and starts to kiss his thighs. A soft moan escapes Shirabu and Kawanishi smiles a little when he presses the next kiss on his skin. Kawanishi kisses his knees and is about to move down when Shirabu sits up and puts his hands on Kawanishi's cheeks. Kawanishi stops in his movement and looks up into Shirabu's eyes.  
Neither of them says anything, but they don't have to.  
A second later Shirabu pulls Kawanishi up and kisses him and without hesitation Kawanishi kisses him back.  
  
  
The mood shifts.  
They part with a sigh, and instead of continuing his previous work, Kawanishi lets Shirabu drag him to his side. Shirabu's head falls onto his chest and his arm wraps around his torso.  
  
“Let's just stay like this,” Shirabu mutters quietly and Kawanishi complies.  
  
Shirabu's peaceful breathing after he falls asleep is only interrupted shortly when Kawanishi moves a little to drape the blanket over them.  
  


– 

  
  
Their bags are thrown carelessly in the corner of the room and their clothes are splattered on the floor. The sound of sweaty skin slapping against sweaty skin is resonating in the room. Kawanishi's lips are on Shirabu's neck, whose hands are buried in Kawanishi's hair, tugging at it. Kawanishi leans up and increases the pace, quiet grunts leaving his mouth.  
  
“Wa-wakatoshi...” Shirabu moans. “I love you, Wakatoshi. I love you so much.”  
  
Something inside Kawanishi's body clenches.  
“I love you, too.”  
  
The setter's semen trickles down his dick.  
Kawanishi's last word goes unsaid.  
  
_Kenjirou._

  
  
Kawanishi doesn't know when it had happened. He doesn't remember the first time he had thought about Shirabu this way, rather than about Tendou. But he surely remembers how he had realised his problem.  
It was in the shower. He had masturbated under the warm water splashing down on him and thus washing away the semen he had spilled.  
He was panting, and not only because of the orgasm he just had, but because of the name that had left his lips when he came.  
  
It wasn't Tendou's name.  
  
It was Shirabu's.  
  
The realisation hit him hard. It wasn't a bad thing per se. But if Shirabu found out, it would be. He would stop coming over, stop letting Kawanishi touch him.  
It would be better for his heart if he put an end to this himself than suddenly getting cut out by him.  
  


– 

  
  
Shirabu is lying in Kawanishi's arms, drawing small circles with his fingers on Kawanishi's chest. Fully clothed, since it became too cold to stay naked after sex.  
  
“I think we should stop.”  
  
Shirabu's finger halts and he looks up to him.  
“Stop what?”  
  
Kawanishi doesn't dare to look at him.  
“This whole... thing. Seeing each other to have sex.”  
  
“You were the one to suggest that.”  
  
“I know but-”  
  
“Why? I mean, it's pretty sudden.”  
  
“I've been thinking about it for some time now. We keep doing this for such a long time and.. honestly I think it's kind of a miracle no one suspects anything yet. But they will find out soon if we don't stop now. And I don't want them to find out.”  
  
_'I don't want you to find out.'_  
  
Shirabu doesn't answer him for a long time.  
“I see.”  
  
He gets up and Kawanishi can only watch how Shirabu puts on his shoes and grabs his stuff before leaving without saying goodbye.  
  
He doesn't look back at Kawanishi once.  
  


– 

  
  
“Hey, did something happen between you and Shirabu?” Tendou asks him a few days later.  
  
Kawanishi doesn't answer him at first.  
  
“Kawanishi, did something happen?” Tendou asks again, a little softer this time.  
  
“No, nothing. Why are you asking?”  
  
“You both look distressed and you don't talk to each other like you used to.”  
  
“Oh? But everything is fine, really.”  
  
The expression on Tendou's face gives away that he doesn't really believe him. But he doesn't push Kawanishi further.  
  
  
This tension between them is still there two weeks later. Shirabu barely talks to him but Kawanishi can understand him, in a way. They had their little deal going on for months, and now Kawanishi just suddenly cut him out. If Kawanishi was in Shirabu's situation, he would probably react the same way.  
  
Yet it doesn't make it easier for him.  
  
He longs for Shirabu. His smell, his beautiful voice, his taste.  
He misses holding him closely at night, pressing kisses to his forehead because Shirabu would always be the first one to fall asleep. He misses the gentle kisses exchanged between them, the little noises he made when Kawanishi's tongue ticked his neck.  
He also misses eating lunch with him in school. Doing homework at home or studying for an exam.  
He just misses Shirabu's presence around him.  
  
But Kawanishi was the one who cut him out, so he doesn't get to complain about it.  
  


– 

  
  
Kawanishi stays back for some extra pratice. And after everyone leaves, he picks up the ball again. He is a blocker, sure, and practicing with others would make more sense. But he tries to take his mind off Shirabu and do something productive. And he knows that he won't be able to concentrate if someone is with him right now. So Kawanishi takes a deep breath and throws the ball in the air for a serve.  
  
  
He practices for half an hour, sending ball for ball over the net. When he gets too tired to continue, he cleans up after him and puts away the net before going to the locker room to change.  
Kawanishi stops when he walks in.  
  
Everything started here.  
  
Here he had found Shirabu masturbating. Here he had that idea and told Shirabu about it.  
  
_Memories crash on him._  
  
Kawanishi's puts his hand into his pants and he starts to stroke himself.  
He imagines Shirabu looking at him through half lidded eyes, his moans, his lips. He imagines Shirabu sucking him off and a moan escapes Kawanishi.  
  
_He misses him so much._  
  
Kawanishi imagines Shirabu teasing him, putting on a show of undressing himself, slowly, as Kawanishi can only watch him.  
  
_His breath shudders._  
  
He imagines Shirabu tugging at his hair, kissing the spot right beneath his ear.  
Moaning his name.  
  
_His legs are shaking._  
  
He imagines him begging Kawanishi to fuck him. Telling him to come inside him.  
Kawanishi moans Shirabu's name when he comes.  
  
Kawanishi leans with his eyes closed against the lockers for a few moments to calm his breathing.  
When he trusts his legs to not give in on him, he moves to wash his hands – and freezes.  
  
In the door stands Shirabu, his eyes wide and his mouth opened in disbelief.  
Kawanishi doesn't have to ask to know he saw him. To know that he _heard_ him.

They stare at each other and silence streches between them, until Shirabu finally walks in and closes the door behind him.  
Kawanishi clears his throat and looks away.  
  
“Why are you still here?”  
  
“..I wanted to talk to you.”  
  
“About what?”  
  
“Us.”  
  
Kawanishi swallows.  
“Uhm, let me.. first.. you know.”  
  
“Sure.”  
  
  
Kawanishi washes his hands. His thoughts are running wild. His heart tells him to run and never come back. But he knows that Shirabu can and will find him if he wants to. So there are not really other options than hearing what Shirabu has to say. Kawanishi's insides clench and he feels sick from nervousness.  
  
He dries his hands and goes back to Shirabu, who sat down while Kawanishi was away. He looks up when Kawanishi comes back and the middle blocker blushes a bit when he sees him staring at his crotch before he looks up into his face.  
  
“What was that about? I thought you didn't want anyone to find out.”  
  
Kawanishi doesn't answer so Shirabu speaks up again.  
  
“You told me you want us to stop so no one finds out but masturbate in a public place like this. If it hadn't been me you'd have to do a lot of explaining right now. And why did you even say my name? I thought Tendou-”  
  
“Can't you guess it?”  
  
Shirabu wants to say something but closes his mouth.  
  
“Can't you guess why it was your name? Can't you guess the actual reason why I wanted to stop and why I wasn't able to tell you the truth?”  
  
Shirabu stares at him in disbelief for a second time.  
  
“You- Don't you tell me you-”  
  
“Yeah. I do.”  
  
Kawanishi avoids looking at Shirabu.  
  
“For how long?” the setter asks him softly.  
  
“A while.”  
  
“Why didn't you say anything?”  
  
“How could I? This thing was supposed to work off the frustration, not add to it. And you seemed comfortable with it how it was. I didn't want to change that by telling you how I feel. I didn't want to lose you.”  
  
“But this is a two way thing,” Shirabu tells him quietly. “It's not right if you don't feel good.”  
  
“But I did. It felt great, It was amazing. Just...”  
Kawanishi sighs.  
  
  
Shirabu looks at his feet.  
  
“Can I tell you something?”  
  
“..sure.”  
  
“I had to concentrate to not accidentally say the wrong name the last time we had sex.”  
  
“Huh?”  
  
Shirabu turns his head to look at Kawanishi.  
“I almost used yours.”  
  
  
For the first time since Kawanishi came back from washing his hands he looks directly at Shirabu.  
  
“What?”  
  
“I didn't understand what happened until you said that you wanted to stop. At that time I could feel my heart breaking and I didn't expect that. So I left and didn't even say goodbye. I wanted to kick your ass but everytime I looked at you I just wanted you to hold me like you used to. I really miss-”  
  
Shirabu doesn't get to finish his sentence because suddenly Kawanishi's arms are wrapped around him and he's pressed against his chest. He can feel Kawanishi's heart beating in his chest and it's racing. He wonders if it's in the exact same pace his own heart beats.  
  
  
“So basically we're both idiots who should've talked instead of trying to avoid each other and almost losing this.” Shirabu sums up the situation.  
  
He puts his hand on Kawanishi's chest and feels his heartbeat.  
  
“I guess.”  
  
“Good we figured this out then.”  
  
Shirabu lifts his hands and puts them on Kawanishi's cheeks. In response, the middle blocker smiles at him and puts his hand's on Shirabu's.  
  
“May I?”  
  
“Please do.”  
  
  
And Shirabu kisses him.

  
  
– 

  
  
A soft moan escapes Shirabu as Kawanishi bites his thigh. Carefully, to not leave a mark.  
  
But not because they don't want anyone to know and find out about their relationship.  
  
They have a match to play tomorrow and the team needs their setter in a top condition. Having sex with his boyfriend the night before is Shirabu's way of stress relief.  
Kawanishi moves up and kisses the corner of his mouth.  
  
“Suck my dick.”  
  
Shirabu rolls his eyes but complies.  
He lets Kawanishi lie down before he leans over him and takes his dick into his mouth, letting his tongue trail over it skillfully. It makes Kawanishi moan loudly and Shirabu uses that moment to take his dick in as much as he can without choking. Kawanishi's hands find their way into Shirabu's hair and he grabs and tugs at it. Shirabu keeps teasing Kawanishi until he can feel him being close to coming.  
Kawanishi's breath shudders.  
  
“Why are you stopping?” he asks Shirabu with a hoarse voice.  
  
Shirabu smiles diabolically.  
“I can't let you finish so quickly.”  
  
Kawanishi's frustrated grunt almost makes him laugh.  
Shirabu gets on all fours and leans over his boyfriend.  
  
“Don't worry,” he purrs. “I'll make you come so hard that you'll scream my name.”  
  
Kawanishi stares at his boyfriend with his mouth wide opened and he continues as Shirabu gets a condom and the lube from the drawer. Kawanishi had already prepared Shirabu, so there was no use in wasting their time. Especially with Kawanishi getting impatient.  
  
“Hurry up!” he tells Shirabu, who just replies to him by doing everything even slower.  
Kawanishi sighs.  
After he had lubed his boyfriend up, Shirabu positions himself over him and puts his dick in. He slowly lets it slide in, and he lets out a satisfied little moan once it's inside him completely.  
He starts to ride Kawanishi, who moans loudly in response and Shirabu takes this moment to appreciate how handsome he is. He leans down and kisses Kawanishi's chest.  
Kawanishi uses that opportunity to grab Shirabu by his hips and change positions. He now hovers over the setter and a satisfied smile is spread on his face.  
  
“I prefer it like this today. You're too slow.”  
  
He leans down and starts kissing and licking Shirabu's neck. When he starts moving his hips suddenly, Shirabu let out a surprised yelp. Kawanishi laughs, and it's the most beautiful sound Shirabu has ever heard. As their pace increases, their laughs turn to moans of pleasure. Kawanishi strokes Shirabu and watches him come in his hand. He leans down and kisses the corner of Shirabu's mouth before he wipes his hand on a tissue from his night drawer. He pulls out, but before he can do anything, Shirabu pushes him down and takes off the condom before he takes his dick into his mouth again.  
  
Not that Kawanishi would complain about that.  
  
Shirabu sucks his dick like he knows his boyfriend likes. Kawanishi has to concentrate to not just fuck into Shirabu's mouth. His hips jerk a few times.  
  
“Kenjirou, I'm-”  
  
Shirabu pulls away and with a cocky smile on his face starts to stroke him and Kawanishi comes moaning Shirabu's name.  
  
  
After they cleaned up the mess they left, they cuddle up under the blanket.  
  
“Do you think the team suspects anything?” Shirabu asks Kawanishi with a yawn.  
  
Kawanishi thinks about it.  
“I don't think so. But to be honest, I don't really care if they do.”  
  
Shirabu smiles. He's already half asleep.  
  
“Good. Neither do I.”  
  
Kawanishi presses a kiss to his boyfriend's forehead and turns off the light.  
  
  
_'I wouldn't mind_ _them_ _kn_ _o_ _w_ _ing that_ _you are mine.'_

**Author's Note:**

> ... and apparently you're going with me.


End file.
